Jacyś tacy niewyraźni wszyscy :P

WHY ?

It's never too late for your birthday party

First of all, never ever celebrate your birthday without a birthday cake.

Never underestimate the power of a person who's holding a knife.
Especially, if it's a girl.
:)




Hands up, baby hands up...
Or maybe that's just the result of holding the knife? :P




Guys have just seen something ....



.... and they couldn't believe their eyes.
Is it...?? Are you...?? ;)



That's the look of a 23-year-old-knife-holder.


Thank you guys for coming.
Next party - New Year's Eve, my place.
Feel invited.


Some more photos

The Fiat and The Furious

day of maturity
the groans of the whole world
are always running through my veins
every human fear
puts another burden on my blood
i'm standing on the skin
of a world immersed in darkness
so naive i can barely stand
like a poor wide-eyed child
give me a little tlc
oversensitivity
comes when the soul takes over the mind
kick me in the head
and maybe i'll get over it
give me a little tlc


dorosłość jak początek umierania
Obciąża moją krew
Przemierza żył korytarze
Całego świata jęk
Każda ludzkości obawa
Udeptuję skórę tej skąpanej w mroku planety
Z naiwnością na którą stać
Stać chyba tylko dziecko
Nadwrażliwość to mój wróg
Przerost duszy nad rozumem
W głowę kopcie mnie
Może ozdrowieję
Dyskretnej troski trzeba mi


HEY

Some simple memories

I have some simple colorful memories of...
Simple cup of tea without sugar
served at 3 in the morning
Simple touch of hands under the stars
Simple look of grey eyes through the very width of the room
Simple scent of caraway in soup and freshly-baked bread

I have some simple memories of...
Simple freedom song of Gitan
Simple sound of rain above the yellow umbrella
Simple beam of light reflected in the pool
Simple sound of door being open
Simple sense of lazy Sunday

I have some simple memories of a simple human
Simple chat
enveloped in the cigarette smoke like in a dream
Simple glass of martini without ice
Simple silence of full moon

I have some simple wonderful memories of...
Simple room with an open window
Simple letter put under the door
Simple happy moments of astonishment
Simple wind in my face
when the bike goes down
Simple promise of the curve
Simple shadow of beeches
Simple music of sleeping home
Simple shine of a tear
Simple detachment from earthly matters

Simple here and now

22.08.2006 r.

Ofca and Ofca

Me and Ofca :)

Me and Ofca :)

Same evening, same party, same nicknames, same feelings towards.

Ofca is a likeable creature; helpful, caring and beer drinking as well.

And being a friend to two such Creatures might be considered as being helluva lucky.

I used to talk to myself

I'll be here.
Why...?
I'll be waiting... here...
For what?
I'll be waiting... for you... so... If you come here... You'll find me.

I promise.

Morning coffee

Part I
Monday morning, the scent of my first this day coffee, the gentle whisper of the computer, the taste of the early hour. Some radio music in the background, I guess it's some Dundee radio station, but I'm not sure. Another day has just started, another Hope has just come to life.

Yesterday I had a serious talk. Talk about life, its ups and downs, bittersweet tears and breathtaking moments. Talk about running away, and about doing the right thing. Talk about dreams and empty hands. Talk about me and him. With red wine, a box of Lucky Strike, night around us and stars above.

It all comes to an end. Another chapter of my life has ended. Another chapter has just opened. As some say, that when a woman cuts her hair it means that something has already changed. But I say, do your hair first. You can never be sure whom you gonna meet walking into your new life, but be sure to look good when doing it.

Part II
I've been wondering tonight, smoking my first cigarette today and drinking evening coffee, when I'm myself.
Is it when I wear highheel shoes and smart clothes or when I wear trainers and jeans?
When I listen to Moloko or to Norah Jones?
When I love or when I hate?
When I wear blacks or reds?
When I write poems or algorithms?
When I say what I think or when I think what I say?
When I get myself dead drunk or when I pray?
When I stay or when I run away?
When I dance or when I cry?
When I like dogs or when I like cats?
When I am a slut or when I am a nun?
When I have a fruit salad or when I have chilli con carne?
When I care too much about my friends or when I don't give a damn shit?

Anansi Boys

You just had to show reality who was the boss, that was all.

Neil Gaiman

Me and my darling

Days in Castleton, they are passing so fast...

People around us are changing, weather is changing, we are changing...

Music around us, stars above us, feelings inside...

Life of gitannes... our life.

Day like today

Day like today, with grey cold morning and the fresh wind of 5 a.m. Day like today, with sunny noon, and afternoon passing so fast. Day like today, with dusk approaching in a slow manner, with lazy sun and sounds of coming night. Day like today, with the scent of coffee in the morning and freshly prepared cereals with milk and strawberries. Day like today, with the sound of fast steps, one-two-three-one-two-three-one... Day like today, with a cold pint of beer in the evening and a cigarette, a new daily routine for this summer time.
Day like today, day like never before and never again. One and unique. My day...

Having few friends of mine last Saturday

Searching for the lost sausage...
















Charles The Gentelman
















Mhhmmmm, I'm lovin it....
















That's how the gossips are being created...
















They told us: "Don't drink that"
Of course we didn't listen to them :)
















So soft, so tender, so warm...
















Shall we?
















Give it to me baby, a-ha a-ha....
















Caught with a drink
















Lord of The Fire
















The first rule of Figth Club is "You do not talk about Fight Club".
The second rule of Fight Club is...
















Scary Movie, part 1268463786
















Same names, same signs, same blanket :)
















Partying is such a tiring thing to do

Tomorrow I will change...

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you but you look at me
Like maybe I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one...
(Meredith Brooks, Bitch)

If I were to choose a song that describes me in the most precise way, that would be definitely the one above.
Most probably most of you have heard it already, as it was pretty famous few years ago, and also appeared in What Women Want.
As a friend of mine says, my life is not only about the vision thing but also about the sound thing, every moment has its own soundtrack. In this case, Bitch stands as my anthem. My first, my last, my everything...

There's always room

Wyclef Jean - Million Voices

African Chorus throughout song:
-----------------------------------
Ni ryari izuba, Rizagaruka, Hejuru yacu,
Ni nd' uzaricyeza ricyeza.

[When will the sun return above us?]
[Who will reveal it once again to us?]
-----------------------------------

Rwanda, Rwanda,
Yeah Rwanda, Rwanda.

They said: "Many are called and few are chosen,"
But I wish some wasn’t chosen
for the blood spilling of Rwanda.

They said: "Meshach, Shadrack and Abednego,
Thrown in the fire but you never get burned,"
but I wish that I didn't get burned in Rwanda.

They said: "The man is judged according to his works,"
so tell me Africa, what’s your worth?

There’s no money, no diamonds, no fortunes
on this planet that can replace Rwanda…

Rwanda Rwanda

Yeah, Rwanda Rwanda

These are the cry of the children

Rwanda Rwanda

Anybody hear my cry?

If America, is the United States of America,
Then why can’t Africa, be the United States of Africa?

And if England, is the United Kingdom,
Then why can’t Africa unite all the kingdoms
and become United Kingdom of Africa?

Rwanda Rwanda, Rwanda Rwanda
Yeah, yeah.

These are the cries of the children, yeah.

Can anybody out there hear our cries?

Yeah, heavens cry ... Jesus cry.

Lord, did you hear us calling you?
Yeah, Rwanda Rwanda,

Lord, did you hear us calling?
Can you do something in Rwanda?

Rwanda Rwanda, Rwanda Rwanda

I’m talkin' 'bout Jesus; talkin' 'bout
Rwanda Rwanda Rwanda

Talkin' 'bout … talk'n 'bout ...
Talkin' 'bout … talk'n 'bout ...

I wanna play my guitar for Rwanda....

When I first listened to that song, I was like "Nice song, I would even say, yeah, I like this song". And few days ago I've seen the movie. And then I understood. And then I got the meaning of those words above. The movie didn't leave me speechless.

It made me stop.

Hotel Rwanda

Bitti Rüya by maNga

Bir kez gelmişsin bu saçma dünyaya
Olanları unutmak çok zor inan bana
Sevdiğin insan bile artık yalan söylüyor
Yaşadığın anılar acı vermeye başlıyor

Bir köprüden geçiyorum
Mutlu gibiyim sanki
Geride bir kent bıraktım bir de sevgili
Rüya mı bu, gerçek mi inan anlamıyorum
Bu şehir beni içine çekiyor
Kendimi alamıyorum

Olanlar yetmez gibi bir de mesaj geliyor
"Mutluluklar, hoşçakal"
Birer birer zırvalanıyor
İyice dağıtmak için biraz daha içiyorum
Sonra oturmuş mal gibi zırıl zırıl ağlıyorum

Gidiyorum buralardan, dönüyorum durmadan
Uyan artık uyan, bitti rüya
Seviyorum sormadan, öpüyorum kasmadan
Dayan artık dayan, bitti rüya

Bir kez gelmişsin bu saçma dünyaya
Olanları unutmak çok zor inan bana
Yazdığın satırlar bile artık yalan söylüyor
Söylediğin sözler acı vermeye başlıyor

Bir köprüyü yakıyorum mutlu gibiyim sanki
Geride bir kent bıraktım bir de sevgili
Doğru mu, yanlış mı inan umursamıyorum
Bu şehir beni esir ediyor kendimi alamıyorum

İnanmazsın bir rüya hayatımı değiştiriyor
O mesajı unutmam için bana bir şans veriyor
Rüyaysa bu gerçekten artık uyanmak istiyorum
Mutluluk bile acı veriyor
Çünkü sonu var biliyorum


The dream is over
You came to this world only once
It’s difficult to forget the events, believe me
Even the one you love lies to you
The moments you lived start to hurt you

I’m crossing a bridge
As if I were happy
I left behind a love and city
Is this a dream or reality, I don’t know, believe me
This city draws me in, I can’t handle myself

As if the events weren’t enough there comes a message
„Be happy, take care”
Pointless messages keep coming
I drink some more to be able to forget myself
Then staring like an idiot I burst into sobbing

I’m going away from here, I’m leaving without a stop
The dream is over, wake up now, wake up,
I love without asking, I kiss without force
Endure it, endure, the dream is over

You came to this world only once
It’s difficult to forget the events, believe me
Even the lines you wrote lie to you
The words you said start to hurt you

I’m burning a bridge, as if I were happy
I left behind a love and a city
Right or wrong, I don’t care, believe me,
I can’t handle myself, this city captivates me

You don’t believe but a dream is changing my life
Gives me a chance to forget that message
If this is a dream, I really wanna wake up now
Even happiness hurts
'Cauze I know it has an end.

maNga




The dream is over, and would be nice if some people finally get this message.

I believe in...

I believe in a man, this piece of rubbish;
I believe in a man, this piece of shit;
This shifting sand, lifeless water;

I believe in a man, this wacko,
This bag of false pride;
I believe in a man, this lipsalve,
This wind - bag who wastes words,
This fire - brand and eavesdropper,
I believe in a man, this blood sucker.

Despite all the things
A man is able to do,
I believe in him,
For his safe hand,
For his affection for freedom,
For his play of imagination,

For his vertigo when he watches the stars,
I believe in a man
For the salt of his friendship,
For depths of his eyes, for his laughter,
For his momentum and his imperfection.

For always I believe in a man
For his making advances helping hand.
For given look.
And besides, first and foremost
For his simple greeting of an ordinary shepherd.

Lucien Jaques


This is poem above was originally written in French, so I migth not have kept the real spirit and the real atmosphere of it. But this is what I believe in: a man, a human, a person. I believe in Love. I believe in Hope. And...

...I believe in Angels, the kind that Heaven sends... I'm surrounded by Angels, but I call them my Best Friends.

Hold on little girl

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page, and if I'm not there, I carry on as usual.
Patrick Moore

Micheal Brown's going home, he did it!! It's not the latest news, but I just had to write it :) What am I talking about? View From The Sidewalk, link on this page in links section, enjoy :)

What the hell is going on here??

Ok, you asked for that. Time for some next final reflections after coming back from Adana.
Since March, I have been sitting, observing, reading, watching, analyzing stuff. Mainly the stuff connected to TTC , known also as KJO. And the final thoughts... they just scare me.
Leaving last year (October2005) to Turkey, I knew that there was some mutual animosity between the members of my own group at KJO. Happens everywhere, it's not possible to have a bunch of individuals who co-exist together in some nice and friendly atmospehere all the time. That's normal. There were some ups&downs, but more less 'twas ok.
But the atmosphere that I experienced after my coming back.... frankly speaking I was a bit in schock. I had many troubles fitting again in the reality of KJO life, because of different reasons, it's not time to state them now and to make you feel sorry for me. And the group atmosphere was not making that coming back to reality easy. I'm not saying that people should welcome me with champagne and flowers and roll the red carpet in front of me. Definitely not. It's not my point.
My point is the situation I found at KJO. What I noticed was the official war between people. I constantly have heard some vicious comments towards people I liked more or less, some freaking gossips, some conspiracy theories. KJO war has been going on for good.
Time passed and this war has developed. The latest battle took place last night. The field of the battle - "AgataL & students" Blog. I was reading the battle report and the words that came to my mind were "What the f..k??" Those who are interested in this particular issue know, what has started this sophisticated comment discussion on the neutral teritory.
And now, because this is my own private space, where I can freely express my point of view, this is what I have to say about this, so read carefully, take into cosideration, if you want, or don't. Feel free to comment, if you wish.
I do not approve public flattering in such form, I do not approve attacking with words as it has been done there, I do not approve making people feeling sorry for what is not their fault. I know, freedom of speech, The Blue Ribbon Campaign, I perfectly get it, and I am 100% for freedom of expressing whatever comes to somebody's mind. Especially in case of blogs. But I don't have to approve everything, and I do not have to be pleased with everything. As people noticed, some particular line has been crossed. Unfortunatelly. I also admire few teachers from my past schooling experience, few from my present education process. I really do. And they know about that without me making a-big-thing-public-statements. I do it in my way, the way I feel is right. In this particular battle, most probably buttering-thing was not the main issue, but as you have noticed, it has been taken as such. People are only some human beings, they do make mistakes (known from experience, I'm not saint, I have few sins to be sorry for), they do things they believe are right, and later on it turns out that they did something opposite, very often unintentionally. But we are THE human beings, those who can think, observe, feel. And it works both ways, my dear KJO members.
Freedom of speech? There you go, but be aware of all those things it may cause. Word is a powerful weapon, and it needs a skilled person to use it right. If you are brave enough to express what comes to your mind, be brave enough to take the criticism with dignity.
My intention is not to judge particular people here, I'm not the right person to do it. All I wanted to state is what I think about the situation as such.
Most probably, to be continued...

Ok, I have something to add.
Writing some posts on blogs of classmates, if I can say so, I'm not defending anybody. Just stating facts, or giving my opinion. One may not like it, fine. I've listened to both sides' arguments. And it doesn't have to mean, that I totally agree or disagree with any of them.

Clouds of smiles carried on the wings of wind

Barlumi di felicità cadono, come i petali di una rosa nel deserto, sul pavimento delle emozioni, lasciando di essi il solo ricordo..

Nuvole di sorrisi, trasportate dal vento, cambiano forma come cambia il mio umore..

Strade senza meta scorrono sotto i miei piedi, come le lancette di un orologio scandiscono gli ultimi istanti di una tristezza lontana..

Vorrei poterti regalare un cielo degno del tuo splendore mia stella.. ma il solo che posso donarti sono i miei occhi carichi di un amore mai dato..

(by Marco)

Recently I was going through some blog of a person I used to know. I found this short text. Because my Italian is not that good to get the exact meaning, I asked my friend to translate this for me. And I was astonished. Few things became clear, and got the new meaning. But... does it matter now?? I guess not that much. Just the Memories are nicer, warmer and a bit more precious. They make me smile inside...

My Sky is beautiful, Streets under my feet are getting their destination, Sadness is going away. Glimmers of Happiness are falling down, kissing my face, they are shining in my eyes.

The Memories... the inseparable part of my Existence.

The photograph

Yes, this is me. The little creature with smile in her eyes.
This photo was taken when I was not able to move very fast, and I simply couldn't escape. Later on, when I grew up a bit, and learnt that it's great fun to run, the task of taking a picture of me turned into some kind of MissionImpossible thing.
As a child I was not a very problematic person.... Maybe except for making my mum a bit nervous by sitting in some open window. The problem was that the window was on the 2nd floor. Moreover, after some time I decided that instead of just sitting there, I'd have a walk. So I did.
And maybe except putting my fingers where they definitely didn't belong, for example between one part of the door of a big old blue Mercedes van, and the rest of a car. And my dad, instead of taking me to my beloved Kindergarden, had to introduce my Little Hand to some Big Guy in a white uniform.
Ohh, and maybe except the very moment when my mum had to leave all her important things and take me to pay a visit to another Big Guy in a white uniform, when a girl in my beloved Kindergarden hit me with a plastic wasching maschine. The Big Guy told my mum that two centimeters closer to my nose and I would had lost my left eye, or two centimeters higher, and he would had to come to pick me up.
Well, I wasn't doing things on purpose. I mean, not always.

Going back to reality 110 km/h

Well, kinda melancholic mood today. Most probably that's the consequence of last night's events. Do I regret? I don't know, not yet. I know it was the decision I should have made a long time ago. That would have saved some unnecessary words that were said, and some unnecessary actions that were taken. Things done, they can't be undone.

Long hot shower in the middle of the night... standing at least one hour under the hot stream of water, saying goodbye to Yesterday. I felt the old days... they were flowing down with water, the old dreams, laughs and tears. Seven months' outer skin was washed out. I put on the lotion of Hope, the balm of Tomorrow.
I dressed up, took the keys, and drove... just drove... Surrounded by Darkness, I got to my place, to my Room... Finally... I charged my batteries, put memories in the correct boxes, crossed out all the superfluous things. I opened the balcony door, I let the rain kiss my face...
I took a deep breath... darkness filled my lungs...
It made me feel alive.